Reflaction: Helpful negative beliefs

In this week’s podcast episode we talk about three types of beliefs that can sabotage our self-care efforts: musturbations, shoulding, and canning. And, although the beliefs we discuss on the podcast cover a lot of potentially unhelpful beliefs, I know there are many more that weren’t mentioned. How can I be so sure? Well, that’s because I’ve had them myself, and other female mental health therapists have talked about them as well.

For me, some of the most negatively impactful beliefs I’ve experienced are those that are related to my perceived abilities (or more appropriately, my lack of abilities) as a psychologist. Interestingly, there’s one in particular that has the potential to trigger an avalanche of related negative beliefs that, together, can bury me in the imposter phenomenon and all the unhelpful behaviors that can come with that. You may have noticed I purposely used the term “negative beliefs” versus “unhelpful beliefs.”

That’s because our negative or unpleasant beliefs don’t have to be unhelpful. In fact, they can actually move us toward versus away from self-care.

I know I’m not the only mental health therapist who has experienced periods of time in their work where it just feels as though several clients are struggling in ways that don’t appear to be particularly amenable to our best therapeutic efforts. And if you’re like me, it’s those few clients that can really stick with you, somehow magically erasing all memories of the other clients who are having a positive response to therapy.

I remember one particularly difficult time when I had three clients whose history and current circumstances left them feeling incredibly hopeless and chronically suicidal. Although they regularly attended sessions, nothing I did seemed to lessen their suffering.

This, of course, triggered all sorts of thoughts about my presumed lack of skill and the fact that I just needed to work harder and keep searching for the perfect intervention that could ease their suffering. Noticing the avalanche of negative beliefs that were triggered by this situation and the beginnings of the imposter phenomenon, I decided to do the best thing I could, for my clients as well as for myself.

I reached out to a respected colleague and began paying for monthly consultation meetings.

My colleague was incredibly helpful. She was able to offer some suggestions that I hadn’t thought of AND she also highlighted the ways in which she believed I was, in fact, helping my clients.

Meeting with her also helped me become more self-compassionate which, in turn, enabled me to also pay attention to those clients who were doing well. Which in turn, quieted the little voice that was trying to convince me I was an imposter.

Just another great reminder about how connection, compassion, and courage are such integral parts of our self-care.

Where will your reflactions take you?