Reflaction: The connections that underlie self-care

In this week’s podcast episode we talk about an incredibly important component of our self-care, our positive connections with others. As I reflected on my own self-care journey and the importance of connections with others I was reminded of one time, in particular, that really stood out as highlighting the value of including this in my self-care. It also reminded me of how different types of connections can contribute in different ways to our self-care.

One of my greatest self-care lessons came about during the course of the pandemic. I’m sure none of us will ever forget the impact the pandemic had on our practices and ourselves, including our self-care and our ability to connect with others face-to-face. And, although there were undoubtedly many self-care lessons in that alone, I’d like to share the self-care lessons for me that began a few months into the pandemic and continued well into 2024.

It was shortly after the pandemic started in 2020 when the cognitive and physical decline of my elderly parents became incredibly evident. Although, at the time, they were still living in their home, events over the next few years resulted in many significant changes for them and for me. And of course, the various pandemic related restrictions added another layer to the situation.

I quickly found myself responsible for much of their needs (e.g., grocery shopping, medical appointments, household tasks, etc.) until it became clear that they could no longer remain in their home. Over the span of several months, I was faced with the difficult decision and task of moving my parents out of their home and into assisted living, then supported dementia care, and then to a personal care home. Between the moves there were health issues that resulted in them being admitted to separate hospitals and residences.

And the various pandemic related restrictions meant there were many times when they were allowed only one designated visitor. As their primary caregiver and the one most familiar with their health needs, that became one of my major roles throughout the end of their lives. My mother eventually passed away in 2021 and my father in 2023.

Looking back, several types of connections were integral to my self-care during those years:

• The experience enabled me to connect with my parents in some incredibly special and heartwarming ways that will be with me forever.
• My connections with colleagues served as an incredible reminder of the importance of giving myself permission to take time off work and my connections with a couple of colleagues who work with older adults provided me with some very practical advice about advocating for my parents.
• The connections I had with friends provided me with regularly occurring supportive texts and emails.
• And the connections with my siblings, husband, and bonus children contributed to my self-care by taking on some of the practical tasks (e.g., dropping off groceries, helping pack up my parents’ home, helping with the garage sale, etc.).
• My husband also did an incredible job of making sure everything in our house was taken care of and supporting me in spending as much time with my parents as I needed, while also still making sure I took some time for myself and made space for humor and joy.
• And all of those connections continued to support my self-care well afterthe passing of my parents.

I can’t imagine what those years would have been like for me without all those amazing types of connections and my willingness to lean into the discomfort that came up with me being vulnerable and asking for help.

Where will your reflactions take you?