Reflaction: Toxic Time Messages
Reflaction: Reflection + Action, get it?! I’m not going to lie; I was pretty proud of myself for thinking of this word! But alas, I recently discovered that it’s already included on the urban dictionary website... Nonetheless, this term really does capture what we believe will be the most impactful way to utilize the information in our podcast—namely to both engage in some self-reflection AND to use that information to take some type of concrete action (what we refer to as self-care experiments). And like any good scientist, it’s also equally important to reflect on the data you collect from your self-care experiments and use that to continue tweaking your self-care. One of the reasons we decided to release our podcast (and our newsletter) twice per month was to intentionally give listeners time to engage in ‘reflaction’ between the episodes. And what better day to start thinking about that but on Mondays. So, while the podcast will provide you with information on various self-care related topics related to our 4 C’s model and suggestions for possible self-care experiments, this section of the newsletter and blog will focus on sharing stories connected to our personal reflactions related to the specific podcast topic. We hope you find this format helpful. Today is a bit unusual as we released two podcast episodes. Given that the first episode is an overview of our 4 C’s model, I thought I’d focus on reflactions related to the second episode, namely toxic time messages. What’s interesting about toxic time messages is that, at an intellectual level, we likely don’t believe we believe these things. Yet, our behaviours might suggest otherwise. Over the past year or so I’ve become aware of two of my own behaviours which clearly suggest I’m buying into some toxic time messages. My husband was kind enough to point out my tendency to immediately stop whatever I might be doing if someone asks me for assistance with something. Yep, he’s definitely right about that. The other thing I’ve noticed is that if I’m engaging in some type of leisure activity and my husband starts working on a household chore, I immediately go to help him or begin working on some other household chore. I’m sure we could speculate about the underlying toxic time messages influencing my behaviours and, to be honest, I suspect there may be many. I imagine one key toxic message underlying both of these behaviours is related to: “I should spend my time …” My behaviours suggest I believe I should spend my time prioritizing others’ needs and prioritizing work over leisure. And I’m definitely treating my time like sand (low value and infinite) versus diamonds (high value and finite). A couple of ongoing self-care experiments I’ve been doing involve actively resisting the above behaviours. Interestingly, one has been much easier/more comfortable to implement than the other. I’ve found it pretty easy to ask people to wait if they need my assistance. Interestingly, sometimes by the time I’m ready to help, they no longer need my help. In contrast, I’ve noticed feeling uncomfortable when I’ve intentionally continued working on a leisure activity when someone else in my home is working on a household task. Nonetheless, I’ve tried to just remind myself that discomfort is normal when we’re acting against these engrained messages and that I’m choosing to engage in leisure activities because they help me relax and bring me joy. One of the surprising benefits I’ve noticed of making these seemingly small shifts has been a sense of empowerment. And that always feels good. Where will your reflactions take you? |