Why discernment is harder than it seems

In episode 28 of our podcast we kick off a new mini-series aimed at exploring why discernment (i.e., identifying the source/s of our workplace struggles) is such an important part of self-care. Accurate discernment helps us identify self-care strategies that target the true source of our workplace struggles. Yet as simple as it sounds, accurate discernment can be incredibly difficult for so many reasons. But the good news is, there are things we can do to make this easier.

In reflecting back over my own experiences and my discussion with my female colleagues, I’m reminded of the potential for several factors to unfairly influence the discernment process and our response. Things like:

• Student mindset

The qualities and characteristics that were perhaps adaptive and enabled us to succeed during our education and training but may no longer serve our current realities. For example, being overly work focused, striving for perfection/holding unrelenting standards, “pushing through” the challenging times, having a heightened sense of responsibility, and being fearful of being seen as an “imposter”.

• Gender Socialization

The messages we’ve received about our worth as women being tied to things like our physical appearance, our demeanor (e.g., happy, calm, agreeable), our priorities (e.g., self-sacrificing, other focused).

• Individual Differences

The unique aspects of ourselves and our lives. For example, neurodiversity, past experiences (e.g., oppression, trauma, family messages about work ethic), and current realities (e.g., physical and emotional health, other life stressors).

Taken together, these factors can play an important role in our discernment process and have the potential to result in us misidentifying the source(s) of struggles at work and, in turn, implementing self-care strategies that are aimed at the wrong target.

For example, the student mindset and gender socialization might naturally lead us to a pattern whereby we’re more prone to identify ourselves and our perceived inadequacies as the problem which in turn, might amplify our natural tendencies towards unhelpful, self-sacrificing behaviors (e.g., over-working, becoming overly available to our clients, etc.).

My reflections have also, however, reminded me of some simple things we can do to offset unhelpful influences on the discernment process. Things like:

• Just taking time to notice when workplace struggles arise.
• Setting aside some discernment time and considering how things like student mindset, gender socialization, and individual factors might be influencing this process.
• Connecting with trusted colleagues from whom you can seek out other perspectives that might help offset any unhelpful factors that are influencing your discernment process.
• Using both tender and fierce self-compassion to help you incorporate helpful self-care strategies (i.e., self-care experiments) targeting the potential source(s) of your workplace struggles.
• Using the data from your self-care experiments to adjust your discernment and self-care strategies accordingly.

So the next time you find yourself experiencing some workplace struggles take some time to consider the discernment process and the steps you can take to make this a helpful part of your self-care journey.

Where will your reflactions take you?