Do you take a Disneyland approach to your self-care?

Those of you who are familiar with our 4 C’s self-care framework know that connecting with our values is part of our first pillar, Connection. Incorporating more of a values perspective into my own life and my work with clients has been something I’ve been working on now for a couple of years and continues to be a work in progress. I must say, my clients have really appreciated this and connecting with my own values has provided me with a helpful compass for my own wellness and self-care.

So, I was particularly delighted to have the opportunity to attend a recent workshop on values that was facilitated by psychologist Dr. Jenna LeJeune. She is also the co-author of the book Values in Therapy: A Clinician’s Guide to Helping Clients Explore Values, Increase Psychological Flexibility and Live a More Meaningful Life. I don’t know about you but living a more meaningful life sure sounds like an important part of self-care to me!

As I was sitting in the workshop, I was reminded that Jenna has a problem with the typical way “self-care” is conceptualized. (A girl after our own hearts!) Jenna and her co-author Dr. Jason Luoma have this to say about “self-care” in their book chapter entitled We’re in This Together: Your Values as a Therapist:

“The problem I have with self-care is that it is usually described as being somehow distinct from how we normally behave in the rest of our lives. It is the exception rather than the rule. Self-care, as normally understood, is analogous to what my mother would call a “Disneyland parent.” …the one who is never really present in their child’s day-to-day life. They might show up for the big game, but they don’t bother to take their kid to practice…...Instead, once a year they swoop in and take their kid to Disneyland, as if that’s what will make them a “good” parent. But how you care for your child or your partner or yourself isn’t really about the big exceptional things you do. Our values are lived out in the day-to-day moments, how we treat ourselves and others on an ongoing basis ... if you really want to care well for yourself, consider what your values might tell you about how you would interact with yourself on a daily basis. (p. 186)”

How do your values show up in your self-care? Thinking about how we choose to treat others can be a great way to get in touch with our relationship values - including the relationship we have with ourselves.

What is one small step you can take towards creating a values-based way of relating to and caring for yourself?