The judgement trap

Listening to our previous podcast interview with Tabitha Carvan caused me to reflect on my reactions (dare I say, judgements) when I’ve witnessed people truly embracing their passions and joyful pursuits simply for the purpose of experiencing pleasure.

Interestingly, I couldn’t easily bring to mind any recent situations where I had seen a woman exhibiting these behaviors (sadly that says a lot and adds additional weight to Tabitha’s point that “packing up our passions” is a right of passage for girls), but I easily recalled examples from my observations of men. In fact, these behaviours in men are so commonplace I suspect a day doesn’t go by when I haven’t witnessed men unapologetically embracing their passions and joyful pursuits. It shows up in their dedication to sports (whether as a spectator or participant), video games, and other hobbies (e.g., classic cars, collecting sports cards, science fiction materials, etc.).

Admittedly, there have been times, perhaps more than I care to admit, when I’ve rolled my eyes and judged these activities as childish (yet another reminder that I’m human). And I suspect I’m not the only woman out there who’s felt that way.

Perhaps a contributory factor to our judgements (apart from the socialization Tabitha talks about) is the fact that many of us don’t feel we have the time to engage in such “foolishness” and with that can come some underlying resentment.

This got me wondering, however, what types of judgements might automatically appear when we see the elusive woman embracing her passions and joyful pursuits? And, related to that, what can we do to start shifting the rules so that women can also unapologetically reclaim their passions and joyful pursuits?

So as we move into September and get back to our typical routines, why not leave even just a bit of space in our schedules for intentional acts aimed at shifting the rules that keep women from connecting with their passions and joyful pursuits.

Coincidentally that checks off two Cs from our 4 Cs model of self-care — connection and creativity (which also includes play and humour). A great step towards that goal might include things like asking your female friends and colleagues about their passions and joyful pursuits, sharing one of yours with a trusted friend, or even just intentionally looking for inspiration and ideas for activities you can try out in the name of embracing your own passions and joyful pursuits.

And because these steps might be uncomfortable and you may find judgements automatically popping up, these steps are also a great opportunity to work on the other two Cs in our 4 C's model — courage and compassion.