When values steer us down a difficult road

As we discuss in this month's podcast episode (and others), values are such an important part of self-care.

They can serve as an incredibly helpful compass as we navigate our personal and professional lives and can help us stay the course in spite of the challenges we may encounter. Values remind us of what’s most important to us and can guide us in finding ways to put more of ourselves in our day because doesn’t that ultimately mean connecting with what means most to us?

What isn’t necessarily obvious, however, is that this isn’t always comfortable (thank goodness for that courage pillar!). I think sometimes we have the misguided notion that value-consistent living means life’s all roses and sunshine. Although that might sometimes be true, there are also times when living in line with our values will bring up some painful emotions!

What values do offer, however, is an opportunity to feel a sense of satisfaction and meaning, even in those tough moments. Values can also help us find ways to comfort and replenish ourselves in times when our values take us down a difficult road.

Over the past 3 years life has provided ample opportunities for me to learn more about my own values and how they fit into my self-care. The most valuable lessons have come from being a daughter and caregiver to my aging parents. These past 3 years have reminded me of some of my important values (thoughtfulness, compassion, connection, love) and how I want these to show up in my daughter/caregiver role.

And it’s been hard.

Embracing my values as I watched the physical and cognitive decline of my parents has not been easy. Avoiding visits and distancing myself from the situation would have been, in many ways, a much easier path. But staying true to my values provided me with something much greater—an opportunity to connect with my parents in incredibly meaningful ways that I will forever cherish, and a sense of pride and contentment that comes with honouring what’s most important to me. I have found comfort in that.

But following our values also means recognizing when this is hard and putting things in place to support us through the difficult parts of our journey. For me that meant also making space for some of my other values like adventure, humour, fun, spirituality, and friendship. A key part of this was giving myself permission to sometimes set aside my daughter/caregiver role and lean into the guilt that showed up when I made space for my other roles and values. Making space for my other roles and values ultimately helps me show up as the kind of daughter/caregiver I value being.

So the next time your values steer you down a difficult road, pause for a moment and take a broader look at all of your values. Our values offer invaluable information that can help us be more intentional and guide us towards activities that are truly replenishing. By doing so we’re in a much better position to find comfort and stay the course when faced with the more difficult aspects of value-driven living.