In today’s podcast episode we challenge the incredibly unhelpful belief that effective self-care requires a lot of time, energy, and/or money. Unfortunately, this outdated belief has been greatly influenced by the commodified messages women have received about self-care. You know, those advertisements and social media posts that emphasize things that do take a lot of time, energy, and/or money. Things like exotic vacations, booking a spa day, buying a gym membership, etc.
Now we’re not saying those things can’t be part of our self-care, but, as we discuss in the podcast, buying into that outdated and unhelpful belief will pose a huge barrier to implementing truly effective and sustainable self-care practices. The idea that effective self-care needs to take a lot of time, money, and/or energy negates the benefit of smaller, regularly occurring acts of self-care that are actually sustainable.
And as therapists, isn’t that the very message we give our clients? It’s a series of smaller, more sustainable actions that will prove the most helpful over time. Of course, like our clients, we also want a quick fix, so it’s really easy to buy into the idea that we need grand self-care gestures to really feel a difference.
Over the past week I was reminded of a self-care practice that we can easily incorporate into our work and doesn’t require any extra time, effort, or money. Something that, perhaps, goes against our training but doesn’t in any way compromise our ethics or the work we do with clients.
And it’s this simple: Truly taking in and graciously accepting our clients’ words of appreciation for the work we do.
If you’re like most of the therapists we know, you were probably encouraged to always give the client credit for any positive changes that have come about as a result of therapy. Now, don’t get me wrong, I absolutely agree that it’s important for us to help our clients appreciate how all their hard work and dedication led to their positive changes.
But here’s the thing: our training has also encouraged us to discount the contributions we may have made and to respond to our clients’ words of appreciation by saying things like, “I didn’t do anything at all. You did all the work.” Or some variation thereof. And if that’s the message we received during our training and the message we convey to our clients it can be easy to start buying into that narrative. And I would argue that’s not good self-care and it’s also not the behaviour we want to model for our clients.
So, the next time one of your clients says thank you or shares feedback about the positive ways you’ve contributed to their progress, just listen. I mean really listen.
And then acknowledge your client’s words. It can be as simple as saying “Thank you, I really appreciate your feedback. I’ve felt honoured to share your journey.” Doing this in no way needs to take away from sharing your observations about how the client has contributed to their gains but this shift can be a great addition to our self-care.
Because the reality is, as therapists an important part of our self-care is being aware of the value of our work. It’s also a great way to model how to graciously accept versus deflect a compliment (sadly, the latter of which seems to come so naturally to so many women!).
And if you happen to have a bit more time and energy, a simple way to ramp up this self-care act is to start a file where you write notes to remind you about these moments and the value of your work. That can be a self-care goldmine on those days when our work feels heavier and we just naturally question the value of our work or our skills as a therapist.
Where will your reflactions take you? | 